Thursday, December 24, 2009

AHHH Its Christmas Eve and I have a totally busy day ahead of me but I had to find a second to write how excited I am for the holidays to finally be here! Usually time passes me so quick before the holidays working and trying to shop for everyone in my insanely large family that I don't get to let the anticipation build up but this year was different. Jason definitely helped with that one, taking me to a Christmas lights show, wrapping my presents and putting them under the tree early so all I could do is stare at them. Today will be spent with his wonderful family for our first Christmas together (and our one year anniversary today also ;) and then tomorrow we will do it all over again with my family. It was really nice that it worked out that way this year so that we don't have to rush four Christmases into one day and not get to spend as much time with everyone as we might like to. Hopefully in the future we can continue this tradition of doing this way so we don't have to miss out.
I'm looking very forward to the end of 2009 and a beautiful 2010. It has been a very stress-filled end of the year with many unfortunate things happening at work right now (including some scary stuff that I won't get into but maybe a well wish or two my way??) At the beginning of one year together I see the makings of a very happy life together and that truly is exciting and new to me. I hope everyone out there gets all their hearts desires this year and brings in a safe and happy New Year!!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

New Years Eve come early

After my last blog I felt very negative and complainy (my blog I can make up words if I want to) so I made a decision yesterday to change my outlook. I know as good as anyone else that your thoughts set the stage for your day, life, etc and its up to me to see the world through whatever colored glasses I choose. So today is a new day. I'm trying my New Year's resolution early, figuring that if I start now by the actual new year I will be already on my way to a happier 2010. I'm one of those typical resolvers that will pick something I know is good for me, work on it for about two weeks, and then give it up without a blink of an eye, claiming its too hard, I don't have time, TV is more fun, whatever. This time however, rather than choose to work out more or quit smoking ( I know I know I really NEED to stick to that one) I am deciding to be a better person. Well, that encompasses A LOT. Not that I'm a bad person per say but that can be applied to a very large part of someone's life. I came to the realization that so much of my day is taken up complaining about other drivers, talking about people who bother me or judging someone else's life choices rather than focusing on the only thing around me that I can actually change, myself. I spent a very good year of my life a few years ago ridding myself of any negative talk about anyone else and myself. I only filled my days with people, things, work that were positive and uplifting. It was a peaceful year. Somewhere along the way normal frustrations of life overtook and I am at where I am now. Complainy. So I am adjusting my focus once again to get back to that wonderful place. I know it won't be easy. This resolution will be more of an awareness than an actual act. I will have to hold myself accountable and find other ways to release my frustrations. Because in reality being frustrated with people around me really isn't making my life better in the long run. Worrying about what other people are doing that may bother me, is taking my attention off of the things I need to do. Its giving me something else to focus on instead of fixing the things in my own life that might frustrate someone else. And all the negativity is just down right draining. So today it begins. I have choices in what my thoughts and words will be. And I'm choosing happiness.


Monday, December 7, 2009

Rainy day blues.

Today is the kind of day I wish I could be curled up in bed with a fire in the fireplace watching a cheesy romance novel. Ok if that's the case I'm going to have to wish for a fireplace also! It's raining in Phoenix today and if you are even the slightest bit familiar with PHX then you understand that this phenomenon doesn't happen very often. Its day like today that everyone and their dog forgets how to drive...much like I imagine driving situations in places where it snows. UGH. You'd think in a place that has sun 363 days a year that we'd (or I'd) be able to appreciate a rainy day here and there but today I'm just very over it.
It's Monday in every sense of the word. Usually I only work one job on Monday's and enjoy my Sunday, Monday, Tuesday nights off, but the past few weeks we have been working Monday nights also which just throws off my whole week/weekend. Add to the fact that I work outside, its raining, and I will be working out on the rain tonight when it is very very cold and I am one unhappy camper.

Ok ok enough complaining :) In all actuality the Holiday season is my favorite one of the year. Every time I see Christmas lights or hear holiday songs it fills my heart with cheer! Me and Jason put up our Christmas tree already and it is making our apt feel very festive. (Minus the cats knocking off every ornament they can reach from the ground or catapulting themselves off our recliner chair and hanging onto- which I'm sure is very funny to watch but without seeing it, it is just getting annoying to search for missing ornaments every day) The other night Jason surprised me by taking me to a drive through light show, with Christmas music and all! He knows how much I love all things Christmas and I love how much effort he is putting into helping me decorate. Now if only I could find the motivation to start my Christmas shopping....

Onto a serious I allowed to be serious on here? I don't often post about things too heavy but I feel like I need to talk about this and here is as good a place as any. Along with the coming of the Christmas season, is also what would have been my due date, December 23rd. I find that I've been thinking more and more about how different my life would be if I were still pregnant now. I would be HUGE at this point. Losing the baby is something I only think about in the quietest of times anymore. But the closer the due date gets the more its on my mind. Of course Jason is wonderful about it. He also has wondered where our lives would have been at this point and in the coming months and years later, and I feel so lucky once again to have him by my side. I know what everyone has told me over and over after it happened, that God has a plan and it all happens for a reason, is true. So although this Christmas season might be a little bittersweet this year, I still feel lucky for all my blessings. I know when the time is right it will happen again for us and it will be wonderful!

I hope everyone else is enjoying the coming holidays as much as I am. I hope this season is a constant reminder of all we have to be thankful for and really cherish and embrace the blessings we have in our lives. I try every day to remember the true meaning behind all the gifts and money spent, that we do these things to let others know how much we care about them!! Anyone have any good holiday stories to share to help spread the joy??